Drugs.

Frustration. Hatred. Grudge. Resent. Disappointment.

Indifferent.

Things that I like turns out to be the things that I have to decide to hate.

To stop liking.

To stop living with.

You know how hurtful it is to hear it from those you love that they don't like it?

I know I should grow up and out of it.

But time to time I do missed it.

It made me so terrible.

So bad.

So worst.

That I have to throw out my teddy just because I'm growing old.

Can't I at least spare sometime with it?!

Even for a minutes?!

I know I'm too old enough for it and especially for being girls who likes toys that boys mostly like!

Can't I have my way and myself for it?!

I know how to control it myself now so why can't they let me be?!

There's a thing I love of myself.

I grew tired of talking things.

Saying things like I'm coping with it,

Having drugs less and less each day,

But you know,

Who would trust an addict?

I grew tired of convincing people.

Since I'm the boy who cried wolf.

I don't mind anymore.

I have no will to say anymore.

Either you want to believe it or not.

Be it.

I'm tired of convincing people.

What's important is I trust myself and I know what I'm doing.

Even if they see me high at the moment.

Why bother convincing when nobody wants to trust you?

I'm tired of this.

I just got recovered, healing with fibrosis and then suddenly someone ripped of the scab.

Yeah. I'm bleeding again.

I guess I have to stay firm like those granulation tissues

Keep on building up scab and stop the bleeding

Gluing fibrin, put on more platelets and make new scab.

I guess this is reality.

Even you can get hurt from those who loves you.

Maybe because you just want it your way.

Well at  least I get to experience this reality of life drama.

Life will never be the same.

But I will pull up my strength and will to live.

Despite of hurts and bleeds.

| Learning to put on smile on that tearful face. ^_^ |

Life will exactly never be the same.

Welcome to world of hell Nadiah. ^_^

I'll start focusing more on dramas movies and studies.

I'm tired of this dumb ass love life.

Yeah maybe once in a while I'm gonna miss it but nevertheless my focus is on carrier path and treat my miss manner of meanie at times.

Regardless.

I am NOT going to stop playing.

It's not that I give my heart at games.

But I play with my heart.

So be it.

Or forever I will resent games.

Each and every single times I heard anythings mentioned games.

It might affect my children to maybe?

Past experience can affect your future too.

Since you can't let go of what has happen to you.

The same goes to me.

| I hate resent what I like. Please. Don't make me. I love you. |