define friends

ATTENTION!! too long for a human who hates receive and perceive too many words

***

there are a lot types of friends but of course there is friends whom i care for

who?

ask yourself

anyway, as i am a serious relationship-person in any terms of relationship

i care about my ship with everything concerning ship between me and anything

take it people books cats food and even my own reflection

and anyhow, things have gone far too much for me

i am tired of caring my terms with you and so be it

i try to put much trust on you

being honest with you

tell you how i feel and help me correct myself or do seek me when we have problem 

but you

you don't care

all you care is you look good to me

you don't want me to dislike you

but what you do makes me dislike you too much

it's not dislike that i concern

what i concern is trust

and you betray them

i am totally disappointed with you instead of dislike you

i am far too sad to say anything more to you

we have fought along the journey till the days where we are in good terms back

but you

i totally dislike the way you treat me

my dislike is to the point that i don't even have the energy to confront anymore with you

i try my best for not being jealous or whatsoever 

because we are friends and i do not own you

but you never see that coming

you never care

yes. never

all you care is who you like to be friends the most

okay fine

you said so things happen the way you are because people around you have been connected to you by things between you and them but for me

no matter how i see it

it's you who choose

because likewise

action speaks louder than words

even if it is denial

you might not aware of it but i am the one who see it

and it even hurts when i try to be along you guys and all i get is that i am being walled

ignored

and as usual

it's me who needs to take the action first

i am so tired by this to the point that i don't know what to say anymore

okay fine

let it be

but since this happen

i won't care how you feel about me

you make me cry literally

i am totally disappointed in your ship with me

i see that i am a hopeless friend to you who seek into being around you so much and feeling being dumped by you for this whole year after we have settled between each other

you don't even feel to even looking for me or even to say hi

and now i am sorry that my perspective over you have changed

you are not a good person to me

you are a kind of person who wants to look as a good friend towards me

and as for you if you ever read this and think it's you

the only solution is for you to seek me and have a slow talk

if not then, we are what you meant us to be

no matter how close we are

because i know that i am a rubbish to you

***

i guess i need to let it be

i have wasted to much time trying to make everyone happy with me and in the end i am the one who is suffer

never mind then

i guess books and knowledge doesn't hurt me if i put too many trust in them

they even make me happier

and so

there is one friend who i am totally care for

thank you to that friend for being someone whom i never have one before

 because now that i realise

totally

world isn't where we actually want to live in

people are totally selfish

but it is here where everyone wanna live

''Listen to everyone but trust no one.''

p/s: no more luv