ATTENTION!! too long for a human who hates receive and perceive too many words
***
there are a lot types of friends but of course there is friends whom i care for
who?
ask yourself
anyway, as i am a serious relationship-person in any terms of relationship
i care about my ship with everything concerning ship between me and anything
take it people books cats food and even my own reflection
and anyhow, things have gone far too much for me
i am tired of caring my terms with you and so be it
i try to put much trust on you
being honest with you
tell you how i feel and help me correct myself or do seek me when we have problem
but you
you don't care
all you care is you look good to me
you don't want me to dislike you
but what you do makes me dislike you too much
it's not dislike that i concern
what i concern is trust
and you betray them
i am totally disappointed with you instead of dislike you
i am far too sad to say anything more to you
we have fought along the journey till the days where we are in good terms back
but you
i totally dislike the way you treat me
my dislike is to the point that i don't even have the energy to confront anymore with you
i try my best for not being jealous or whatsoever
because we are friends and i do not own you
but you never see that coming
you never care
yes. never
all you care is who you like to be friends the most
okay fine
you said so things happen the way you are because people around you have been connected to you by things between you and them but for me
no matter how i see it
it's you who choose
because likewise
action speaks louder than words
even if it is denial
you might not aware of it but i am the one who see it
and it even hurts when i try to be along you guys and all i get is that i am being walled
ignored
and as usual
it's me who needs to take the action first
i am so tired by this to the point that i don't know what to say anymore
okay fine
let it be
but since this happen
i won't care how you feel about me
you make me cry literally
i am totally disappointed in your ship with me
i see that i am a hopeless friend to you who seek into being around you so much and feeling being dumped by you for this whole year after we have settled between each other
you don't even feel to even looking for me or even to say hi
and now i am sorry that my perspective over you have changed
you are not a good person to me
you are a kind of person who wants to look as a good friend towards me
and as for you if you ever read this and think it's you
the only solution is for you to seek me and have a slow talk
if not then, we are what you meant us to be
no matter how close we are
because i know that i am a rubbish to you
***
i guess i need to let it be
i have wasted to much time trying to make everyone happy with me and in the end i am the one who is suffer
never mind then
i guess books and knowledge doesn't hurt me if i put too many trust in them
they even make me happier
and so
there is one friend who i am totally care for
thank you to that friend for being someone whom i never have one before
because now that i realise
totally
world isn't where we actually want to live in
people are totally selfish
but it is here where everyone wanna live
''Listen to everyone but trust no one.''
p/s: no more luv
